[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 3760: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3168)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 3762: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3168)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 3763: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3168)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 3764: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3168)
Divine Write Copywriting Forum • View topic - Comments, please.
It is currently Wed Dec 11, 2024 6:52 pm

All times are UTC + 10 hours




Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Comments, please.
PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 10:06 pm 
Offline
New Member
New Member

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:44 pm
Posts: 3
Hello, copy people. I am bravely submitting a couple of web pages for you to critique. Be gentle:

http://www.allearsdesign.co.uk/copywriting.php#Example

http://www.allearsdesign.co.uk/seo_services.php#Example

Cheers,

N.

_________________
[url="http://www.word-bomb.com"]advertising Copywriter[/url]


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Comments, please.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:55 pm 
Offline
New Member
New Member

Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:30 pm
Posts: 1
Hi there

A couple of things really stick out about for me about the first page:

1. You're using too many abstract nouns as subjects: "Help comes through understanding"; "research takes us into the world of your customers", "empathy enables us to build trust", "From trust comes confidence" - it's all a bit Yoda-ish! Try rewriting these with people as subjects (e.g. "Before we can help you, we need to understand you"); they'll read as much less vague.

2. Overall I think you're just trying to pack in too much stuff. You can't do Copywriting 101 in 200 words. Take your own advice and concentrate on the pain points that prompt clients to look for a copywriter in the first place.

Oh, and offering a free sample before you've been properly briefed kind of goes against your whole message, doesn't it? :P

Cheers
Angus
usablewords.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Comments, please.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:44 pm 
Offline
New Member
New Member

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:44 pm
Posts: 3
Thanks Angus,

Appreciate you taking a look. I think you're right about the Yoda thing. And offering a free sampler never felt right. Back to the drawing board..

Cheers for now,

N.

_________________
[url="http://www.word-bomb.com"]advertising Copywriter[/url]


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC + 10 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2008 phpBB Group
 
Navigation Rollover Image Navigation Rollover Image Navigation Rollover Image